Backseat Drivers

There is no sound as peaceful as the sound of a sleeping baby.  Parents will resort to all types of tricks to hear this sweet sound, and the most reliable trick of all is to put the baby in the car and start driving.  With few exceptions, all babies fall asleep to the soft lullaby of a moving car, and parents come to rely on this.  Many parents will even take a longer route to their destination, sometimes hours longer, just so that they can enjoy this peace and quiet a little longer.  A friend of mine went so far as to stay in her car with the engine running, in her garage, until her children woke up; and aside from the threat of unintended suicide, I can completely understand why she did this.

But like all good things in life, the peaceful car ride soon comes to an end, as the sleeping babies in the backseat are soon replaced with noisy toddlers.  Not only do these new beings NOT fall asleep as soon as the engine starts, they become critical backseat drivers.  The moment my oldest son reached this age was a big turning point in my life.  I will always remember the first time he yelled out from the backseat, "Mommy, that light was RED!" as I went through an intersection.  In truth it was yellow, but such subtleties are lost on young children.  But anyway, the point is, I just got myself my first back seat driver.

Eventually the directions coming from the backseat became even more specific.  It was suggested that I pass that slow car, that I honk at the car in front of me who won't move at the green light, that I take a route with less traffic next time, and of course that light was red (it was yellow!)  And as time went on there were more kids joining the backseat drivers club.  I now have a car full of backseat drivers wherever I go.

But in truth I treasure this time.  Because I know that nothing lasts forever, and just like the sleeping baby phase has passed, the backseat driver phase will pass as well.  And that is a scary thought, because I know what's coming next.  In the next phase, the backseat driver will be me, asking them to please slow down, watch out for that car, hey that light was red, and weren't you just born?

A Somber Post About the Fogel Family

Parents spend a lot of time watching happy, smiley, sing-songy children's programing, and that's a good thing.  Because once you have children, watching the news is scary.  Just this past Friday Japan had a devastating earthquake and tsunami.  Thousands of people, surely young children and babies too, died in the destruction.  Everyone around the globe watched the footage of these events with a heavy heart, but parents of young children can't help thinking, how would I protect my family in such an event?  Protecting your children is always the foremost concern of every parent.  And we certainly worry about catastrophic events in nature.

Yet even more disturbing, on the very same day of the earthquake, came the news of a young family in Israel brutally murdered by Palestinian terrorists.  In the silence of the night, two Palestinian terrorists broke into the home of the Fogel family and slit the throats of the parents, and 11 year old boy, a 4 year old boy, and a three month old baby girl asleep in her parent's bed.  Although the death toll is significantly smaller, obviously, this story is even more disturbing, as it challenges our faith in humanity.  As humans, we like to believe in the inherent humanity of all people, even our enemies. We appease our fragile vulnerability by telling ourselves they have reasons for their “anger” and that, no matter how misguided, there is another side to the story.  We reassure ourselves that even pure evil has logic and humanity. But when we witness such barbaric brutality, a baby girl stabbed to death while asleep in her parent’s bed, it leaves us confused and shocked, because our very faith in humanity is challenged.  This week, Mother Nature killed many babies, and we are very saddened and shaken; but a fellow human being raised his hand to slit the throats of young children and a baby, and we just cannot wrap our heads around that.

Hashem Yikom Damam!

Headstands

Young children aren't the only ones who stand on their heads.  Once a week, in my yoga class, so do I.  I always thought the headstand at the end of the hourlong yoga class was just another interesting pose to watch the experienced yogis do, and an exciting pose to master.  On the week I first was able to do it, I was in a good mood all day.  I thought my mood lift was because I was amazed at myself for being able to stand on my head, like a kid again.  But it turns out there is more to it.  My yoga instructor teaches yoga not just as an excercise but also as a philosophy.  She explained that headstands restore our positive energy that gets depleted throughout the day because of negative thoughts, unhealthy food, and even because of bad deeds.  So according to yoga theory, when there is negative energy flowing through our lives, we can flip ourselves upside down, stand on our heads, and restore the positive energy.

This idea is so simple that it's brilliant.  We find comfort in doing what we are used to doing.  Even when things aren't going well, we usually don't change our ways much at all but just wonder why things aren't working out and hope that it gets better.  But doing the opposite of what we're used to is sometimes exactly what we need.  Maybe that means eating breakfast for dinner, maybe it means taking a different route home from work, and maybe it means standing on your head.  By turning your routine or yourself upside down, you see the world from a different perspective.  And seeing a different perspective in addition to your own is what leads to a balanced life. 

There is so much we can learn from young children.  We are always teaching them the right way to do things, because after all isn't that our job.  But sometimes we can learn from them how to do things in a different way.  We balance our weight on our feet all day, why not balance our weight on our head for a bit?  You will be looking at the world from a different perspective (upside down, to be exact) and you just might feel renewed when you're back on your feet again.  Maybe you'll feel good because it's cool you stood on your head, or maybe it's the positive energy renewal.  Either way, it works.

Gridlock and Knowlege

Since so much of homeschooling is spent on the 405, I found this to be a very interesting news article. http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_localnyc/highways-to-hell-new-york-may-soon-pass-los-angeles-to-become-gridlock-capital-of-the-country Summing up the article in one sentence (because I know you're busy,) gridlock on the LA freeways is the worst in America, but New York is in close competition. But you are still wondering about my opening sentence. What do I mean that much of our homeschooling is done on the 405? Let me explain.

I always thought that in New York, homeschooling would be more difficult than in LA because of the weather. That's because a large part of homeschooling involves outdoor play, or as we homeschoolers call it "learning." (We call everything learning.) But actually, more time is spent "learning" in the car that outdoors. Possibly even more that at home, if you consider how many outings homeschoolers go on. How many Story of the World CDs have we gone through this year on the 110? How many Torah tapes have we listened to on the I5? How many thoughtful discussions have we had on the way home form book club? Sometimes I am so occupied with the schooling going on in the car that I pass my exit!

There are many who complain about the traffic in LA, myself included. And there are also people trying to fix the situation. About a month ago, someone rang my doorbell in the evening. It was two young women, going door to door in the neighborhood to get people to sign a petition for the California High Speed Train Project. Their selling line was, "Wouldn't it be awesome to have less traffic on the freeways?" When said with a smile, this sounds like a great idea. "Who wouldn't want less traffic on the freeways?" they added, with an extra smile, really driving their point home. Sounds great, I said, but where would the funding for this project come from. From government grants, of course, they answered. And where does the money for government grants come from, I asked. They seemed kind of confused by that one, so I offered the answer: from the citizen's pockets. I told them I will not sign anything that will raise my taxes. The only thing higher than the gridlock in LA is the tax rate. Actually, we have that as well in common with New York.

That is the reason I gave them as to why I don't want to support a project that will lessen congestion on the freeways. There is another reason, which I am pretty sure would render them even more speechless. The more gridlock, the more chapters we complete on Story of the World; while less traffic would mean less education for my children. And who would want that?

Who Would Have Thought?

Teenagers often surprise themselves with their own brilliance.  In fact, there is often nothing that fascinates the typical teenager more than himself.  The teenage years are a decade of self awareness, and a time when they are supposed to be developing a healthy sense of self, so I am not saying this as a negative observation at all, I'm just stating a fact.  I noticed this most when teaching high school, and now that my oldest son is approaching the teenage years, I am experiencing this phenomenon in my own home.

It takes a lot these days to make my older son say "Wow!"  Just as it took a lot for my high school students to be impressed.  No matter how interesting the topic we were learning, it was never as brilliant as a funny line from one of the students, and often the student who made that comment was laughing the most at her own genius.

On the other hand, people can deviate from their own personality, and this can happen with teenagers as well.  It is very refreshing to witness this happening.  (In fact, any deviation from normal teenage actions is refreshing.)  I witnessed such an event today, with my own eyes, otherwise I never would have believed it.  Actually, it was with my own ears, since I was driving and this came from the back of the car.  Let me tell you what happened. 

We went to an exhibit about the life and work of Leonardo Da Vinci.  My almost-teenage-in-years-but-completely-teenage-in-actions son listened to the docent the entire tour, and then spent time looking around the exhibit on his own, taking everything in.  I was impressed with his interest in Da Vinci's work, and watching him I knew he was learning a lot.  I was curious about his impression of the exhibit and of Da Vinci, but at the same time I knew that he would probably shrug his shoulders if asked and just respond, "It was okay."  Imagine my surprise when he expressed awe at Da Vinci's work!  In a voice of awe that I remember from his childhood years (oh how I miss those years!), he said, "Da Vinci was a genious!"  He sure was, I responded.  But my son wasn't done surprising me.  "If Da Vinci was so smart," again childhood voice of awe, "imagine how smart Shlomo Hamelech (King Soloman) was!  Da Vinci isn't even the smartest man of all time!  Imagine!"

Wow!  I certainly am surprised.  But not for the reason he thinks.

Natalie Portman's Most Important Role Yet

Natalie Portman has gotten on the bad side of feminists with her Academy Awards acceptance speech.  While accepting the academy award for best actress for her role in Black Swan, she referred to her upcoming motherhood as "the most important role of her life."  This of course has many people asking, really?  After all you've done in your career, is being a mom really the most important of them all?

The answer is yes.  Motherhood is the most important role of all.  Although this does not mean it is the biggest accomplishment of all.  But those are just semantics which can take us away from the main point here.  The point is that I am so proud of Natalie for recognizing the importance of motherhood.  American society does not value motherhood as it should.  We are a career-based society, and we place value mostly on earning potential.  When a woman has a child, her earning potential is sometimes lessened, and therefore her perceived value is diminished.  But what society fails to recognize is her value beyond the career.

There is no doubt that the feminist movement has empowered women in America.  It has given women the ability to accomplish whatever they set their minds on, and to be as independent as they want.  It has given each woman the chance to choose her own path in life, instead of being forced to conform to society's view of what a women should do.  But every rose has it's thorns, and unfortunately in the process of liberating women, the feminist movement devalued feminism.  The nurturing role of motherhood is the most feminist value of all.

It is interesting that Natalie compared her acting roles to the role of motherhood.  A good acting role is hard work, yet it is also very rewarding, much like motherhood.  A good acting role is one where the actor learns something or improves himself or herself from the role, while motherhood is all about improving your own self to become a better parent as well as a better example for your children.  And most importantly, a well acted movie will leave an impression on people for months, even years, while well done parenting will leave its impression for a lifetime.

Natalie Portman is the most successful female in Hollywood this year.  It is wonderful to hear her acknowledge the importance of being a mother.  And for all us moms who sometimes wonder who we'd be if we weren't moms, the most successful actress of the year put it best.  We'd be someone with a less important role.