Soccer Philosophy

Listening to my son's soccer coach coaching the boys during their game not only distracted me from the fact that the uniforms are actually gray and not "silver," but it also got me thinking.  Specifically two things he said this past game got my attention.  One, when the team scored a goal and one boy asked, "who scored?" the coach answered, "Who cared who it was?  You all scored!"  Two, when my son passed out the donuts at the end of his game in celebration of his birthday, he offered one to the coach, who said, in the same loud coaching voice he uses to encourage them during the game, "Coach JJ doesn't eat donuts!"

I, myself, along with the other mom's watching the game, had a donut, while we thought about what Coach JJ said.  Is there anything more important for boys than team sports?  Probably, but that's not the point.  I signed my kids up for soccer for the third year in a row because I feel that, besides for the exercise they get, the life lessons inherent in team sports are timeless.  These are lessons that can never be taught in a classroom (or dining room table for us homeschoolers) but have to be learned on the field.

The most obvious example is teamwork. There is no group activity in school that can compare to working together to pass the soccer ball down the field.  And the feeling of working together to get a goal is intensified by the urgency of passing the ball to a fellow teammate who has a better chance of scoring the goal, instead of trying to go for it yourself.  They learn that the glory lies in the success of your team, rather than in your personal successes.  That's what the coach was telling the boy who asked "Who scored?"  There are no individuals, there is only the team. Being a team player is a skill necessary for most jobs, and I'm happy my children are learning this lesson in soccer.

Another important lesson is that everyone has different skills.  There is defense, midfield, and offense.  Someone who is very good at kicking precisely and far will be put in offense, and this will help the team score.  Someone good at moving a ball along will be in midfield, and this will help get the ball to the offense.  Someone good at blocking will be in defense, preventing the other team from scoring.  And every one of these players is essential to the team.  Each of their different skills combine to form a winning team.  The "life lesson" here is clear.  Each member of a family, each member of society, combine their skills to form a complete world.  If we all had the same skills, we would never score.  Each child should feel confident that their skills contribute to the success of society, just as their skills on the field contributes to the success of their team.  So while Coach JJ doesn't eat donuts, I do.  But I bet he doesn't have a blog.

Tiger Mom vs. Western Mom

The Wall Street Journal excerpt from "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," by Amy Chua, has provided fodder for many interesting discussions and heated debates about parenting styles.  (Use this link to read the full article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html) Being a "Western Mom" myself, when I first read the article, my reaction was more horror than anything else.  I thought Amy Chua was making a case in favor of child abuse, her excuses being that the end justifies the means, and that parents have to assume children are strong and can handle it.  However, I have since read an interview of Amy Chua, and she said that the excerpt shows only one side of her book.  She said she wrote the book in defense of Chinese mothers during a time when many books are being published showing the evil side of Chinese parenting.  She felt it was necessary to show that Chinese parents are doing what they feel is best for their children, helping them achieve their  highest potential, possibly higher than the child themselves thought he could.  And although the internet was abuzz with Asian-American children, now adults, saying that it takes years of therapy to recover from such parenting, Amy Chua wanted them to know that it was done out of love.
This is really difficult for American parents to absorb.  Reading the article, Amy sounds like an angry, demanding mother, certainly not loving.  She says her parents raised her the same way, and that it never affected her self worth.  But perhaps it did.  Maybe she feels secure now that she can play the piano beautifully, and score well in math, but the insecurities come out when her children don't live up to her expectations.  She accepts her upbringing as normal and maybe even beneficial, but the tramatic consequences show themselves in her parenting.  She panics when her children don't perform up to her expectations, and then she reacts by yelling, and using all means necessary to force her child to practice over and over until she gets it right.  I would venture to disagree with Amy that this rough upbringing did not have any negative impact on her; if her parents made her feel loved unconditionally, she might be able to do the same for her children.
Having a better understanding of Amy Chua's reasons for writing the book, I do believe she raised her children in this method out of love.  But she is mistaken to think they are strong enough to handle it, or that it didn't affect her.  In parenting, the ends do not justify the means; the means are everything.  The acceptance you show your children, and the uncoditional love you shower them with, is what makes them strong.  Demanding perfection makes them think their only value lies in their successes, and your love for them is linked to how or if they succeed. 
I think the title of the article in the Wall Street Journal is misleading.  I don't think Amy Chua feels that Chinese mothers are "superior."  She admits to having many regrets and to softening up as the children got older and her mothering matured.  But I think she did want to point out that good parenting has many faces, and the Tiger Mother is just as loving as the Western Mom; she just expresses her love in a different way.

Kids Are People Too

People ask me all the time why I homeschool my children.  To me the most obvious answer is "why not?" but it never fully satisfies the asker's curiosity.  There are actually many reasons why I feel homeschool is the best form of education.  If I had to choose the biggest reason, it would be because I want to raise my children the way I would want to be raised myself.  I know I would not learn best in a school setting, so neither would my children.  I would want to learn in a way that encourages individuality rather than conformity; in a setting where participation comes from curiosity and interest rather than discipline; and in a positive environment.  Since this is what I would want for myself, this is what I chose for my children.

With much encouragement from many family members and some friends to write a blog about the homeschool experience, I am starting this blog. However, it is not only going to be about homeschool.  It is going to be about life, as seen through the eyes of children.  Or through the eyes of a mother trying to see the world through the eyes of her children.  Because children are people too.

I encourage questions, comments, and stories of personal experiences.  I am working on a post about hands on learning vs. classroom learning, and on one about teaching reading (which could probably be 20 posts itself.)  Please post comments if you have any suggestions.

Thank you for reading!