My first reaction when people ask me this question is that they obviously don't know what it means to "be socialized." To be socialized means to be placed under government or group control. So actually the answer is that I hope my children, as well as this country, never "become socialized." But of course they don't mean this. They meant to ask how will my children ever learn to interact with others in society if they don't go to school? And that's why I say the question has some validity, assuming children only interact with others in school. So I will answer this un-thought-out question.
Social interactions happen everywhere, every day. It happens with siblings, with relatives, with friends outside of school (yes, that exists,) with strangers while shopping, at the library, at karate and swimming and any other classes the children take, at homeschool parkdays, and everywhere the children go. Wherever there are people, there is socialization.
So why the insistence that socializing only happens in school? Why assume that if a child isn't in school, he will never learn how to interact with others? In fact, why assume socialization happens in school at all? In school, children are put into an environment where everyone around them is just like them. Then they further group themselves into cliques of even more similar children. In school, when someone is different, they are ostracized by the class, as children refuse to socialize with anyone slightly different than them. In this situation, children are learning how to seek out comfort and security in similar groups, rather than how to actively socialize.
By contrast, homeschooled children constantly interact with others who are different than themselves, and they learn how to socialize in many different situations. They interact with people of all ages, not just children born in the same schoolyear as them. They interact with children of all backgrounds, because people usually don't form cliques outside of school. And while school children have to adjust to "the real world" after high school, homeschooled children have been integrated into regular society from the beginning of their education. When you give this question some thought, you realize that homeschooled children are the only ones who actually learn to socialize!
Although I have all these answers to this often asked question, my daughter had the best answer of all. I overheard her talking to two friends who go to school. They asked her how she socializes in home school, and she answered, "What am I doing right now?"
Why is it that Homeschooling parents are easily offended (See? I offended you just by saying that!).
ReplyDeleteWhy are Homeschoolers often on the defensive,
For years homeschoolers have had to defend their choice in education and they have grown weary of defending against misunderstandings and strawman arguments.
i think you answered your own question :)
ReplyDeleteHow's your daughter going to meet boys if you educate her at home?
ReplyDeleteAs your children get older you will find as did many other parents who homeschooled their kids that they will have problems interacting with other people that are different than they are. You’re saying that they currently are socializing with others, but you cannot compare a group of boys getting together to play a ball game or meeting for two, three hours to a group of kids who know they’ll have to spend many months together and they’ll have to find a way to coexist instead of quitting when the going gets tough and to boys getting together to complete a school project for their science fair. The latter requires them to share and delegate responsibilities, communicate and understand each other and learn to compromise and think maturely when their idea is not accepted by the group. There are advantages to homeschooling by they’re minor in comprising to the developmental skills they will be exposed and taught in a school surrounding.
ReplyDeleteThe socializing that goes on in school is either bullying or being bullied. And Diana, if you actually know a homeschooling community, you will see that they spend years together, forming long term relationships with others, and that they integrate into college and interact with others just as well if not better than school children. They can enter relationships without all the baggage that comes from years of bullying and being bullied.
ReplyDeleteI think you’re homeschooling your kids because you’re Obsessive–compulsive and way over protective of them to the point of smothering them with affection you most likely lacked as a child. There’s no advantage in having your kids around you for a 24 hr period. You need your space and they need theirs too. They need to learn to fall and stand on their own. Yes in school someone will pick on them, yes in school a teacher may scold at them and we as parents hate to see it, but situations like these will only strengthen their character and besides these are occurrences, but you making it sound like, it happens 97% of the time the kids are in school, to 97% of the children where in reality it happens only 3% of the time and to 3% of some kids In school and I would hate for it to happen to my child tease or be teased but when it happens they grow stronger from it and that only come through being exposed not sheltered as kids at home.
ReplyDeleteTo Chani (and to my other new commenters) although I do not know who you are, I appreciate your reading my blog and taking the time to comment. And although I welcome critical comments just as much as supportive ones, because this can lead to honest discussion, I would like it if your comments, especially the critical ones, would remain on the topic of the article. In this case I am specifically discussing my opinion on how children socialize out of school versus how they socialize in school. Chani, your comment about other possible difficulties in school, and whether or not children should be with their parents more or less time, don't relate to this particular article, although I might very well discuss it some other time. And your conclusion about my personality and my childhood are not only off topic and offensive, but also strange considering that I don't know who you are.
ReplyDeleteI myself don’t home-school my children. But I work together with them on their homework and it is the hardest part of my day. Here’s what I’ve learned.
ReplyDeleteINGREDIENTS TO HOME SCHOOL A CHILD:
courage, knowledge, persistence, perseverance, determination, dedication and patience.
You have these qualities. That’s why you’re a successful parent/educator.
Most parents struggle at being good parents, let alone teachers.
To all parents who are educators too, I’m in awe of you.
AgingChild, Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteMy comments were made from a professional point of view, not a personal one
ReplyDeleteNo intentions in hurting anyone’s feelings. If I did, I do apologize.
I think homeschooling creates an artificial environment, one in which the benefits are outweighed by the associated problems. School represents an opportunity for kids to interact with their peer group. And that peer group, whether we like it or not, has a more powerful influence than we as parents do once the child is of prepubescent age. Gender-segregated schools are not a good idea for much the same reason - basically we all have to learn to survive and thrive in the real world - not an insular one. I agree that some situations in some schools are best avoided, but I think it's best to change schools than be homeschooled. Studies also show that academically, most home schooled children are not sufficiently challenged. I think too as a parent, homeschooling would present an enormous challenge to separate home-based issues (such as breaking the family camera when told not to touch it, for example) and school-based issues (such as not doing the set homework) in the schoolroom itself. It would take an extremely well-adjusted person to regularly deal with such a common issue in a consistently appropriate way. Most psychologists would tell you that socialization, not education, is the primary goal of school life. After all, the ability to survive and thrive in the real world is the best gift we can give our children.
ReplyDelete