Ten years of changing diapers is exhausting. There are times when I thought it would never end. But now that my youngest is toilet trained I feel like it all went by too fast. And diapers is only the beginning. There is also sleep, and messes, and chocolate-milk-sippy-cups. How many nights did I longingly dream of sleeping a solid 8 hours without being woken up by a crying baby? Yet when I woke up rested and refreshed this morning, I realized it is a bittersweet pleasure. I realize that I didn't fully appreciate the mess of toys all over the living room floor that I would clean up after the children went to bed each night. This morning no one woke me up to give them breakfast, and when I stumbled into the kitchen, groggy with sleep and curiosity, I found my once-babies serving themselves cereal and chocolate milk. Are you proud of us, they asked me? Of course I'm proud, this is what I wanted, isn't it? Self-sufficient children who let me sleep and who fold their own laundry. And make their own chocolate milk. In open cups. It is exactly what I've been waiting for, for so many years. And yet, as I smile at them for a job well done, I'm not sure I'm happy to be here, now.
I wish I could go back in time, and to yearn again for today.
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