But How Will they Ever Socialize?

Since it still seems to be the most pressing issue to anyone who hears that I choose to homeschool my children, I think it is time for another edition of "but how will they ever socialize?"

It is quite often that I find myself in a conversation explaining why I homeschool and how I homeschool.  Sometimes it takes one minute into the conversation, but usually it is much less, until the other person suddenly says, "but what about friends?" or something along those lines.  I can be talking about giving children the freedom to explore their passions, or I could be explaining the benefits of a curriculum tailored to each child, or I could be giving examples of how homeschooling allows each child to grow to their fullest possible potential, it doesn't make a difference, I am usually interrupted with some variation of this question: "But how do they socialize?"  That puzzles me a bit, but next comes the even more frustrating part, where I give many examples of ways that my children socialize and meet friends, which by the way are not the same thing, and the questioner will not be satisfied, and will always close with some variation of, "my kids need to socialize, so I would never homeschool."

As a parent of school children, you might be wondering if us homeschooling moms are keeping a tally of how often we have this type of conversation with you and other friends, family, and total strangers.  We don't.  Well, we don't anymore, because our kids have used the tally notebook either for math scrap paper or to create paper airplanes.  In a homeschooling house, paper always seems to find so many uses, and good luck holding onto yours.  But let me tell you, the tally is high.  It is very rare that a homeschooling mother tells someone about her children's education and she does NOT get asked how they socialize and how many friends they have.  It is the default response to the idea of homeschooling.

This makes me wonder, is making sure they have friends the main goal in raising children?  When I think of my goals in raising my children, I think of rising them to be compassionate, to be kind, to be self sufficient, to be true in their religious practice, to choose careers compatible with their natures, to be successful in their chosen careers, to have the confidence and experience needed to socialize as well as interact professionally and in other capacities with other humans of all ages and backgrounds, and to be self aware, and to be strong in their values, and indeed to have strong values.  Those are just some of the top priorities in raising my children.  I can go on for another few pages before "having friends" even makes the list.

People wonder (out loud and often and repetitively) how my kids make friends, and I wonder when this became a parenting goal. I took my children out of school because I felt the goals I had for them would not be reached through the school system.  When I tell this to people, they will usually agree that school does not give children the freedom to follow their passions, or to learn at their best pace, or to develop a sense of self necessary to be a successful adult, or encourage individuality, responsibility, or values.  But, they will argue, what about friends?  Well, homeschooled children have friends, I answer, but even if they didn't, I would still do exactly what we are doing.